Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

February 25, 2008 – Monday.  It was cold; the air from the windows flew throughout my room. It was two in the morning and still, I couldn’t get any sleep. This is not unusual to me, this always happened when something’s bothering my mind. What was I thinking? I told myself. A different personality, as most people who knew me would say. I’m aware of the tendencies of people in judging characters; they say that I am too childish as compared to those of my age bracket or to those higher years older than me.

Childish? I whispered. Do I have to change this kind of personality? Could it be that I still let myself change just because of those people who misunderstands my personality? If that’s the case, then I’d kneel in front of my oppressors rather than having my font of hope to be demolished. But I won’t allow them to do so. I took my blanket off me, and walked towards the mirror in my room. I look at the mirror asking myself, "Do you really know who you are?"

Foolish as it seemed to be, I regret what I’ve said; after all, we knew ourselves better among others. I went back to bed, trying to close my eyes so I can sleep. But it seems that I really can’t. Looking at the ceiling, I wonder what my life would be in the near future. I kept thinking of the careers which I will have to pursue. I want to become a teacher, an Information Technology professional, and a lawyer (maybe it would be so impossible) however, I must keep in mind that formal education is essential in achieving my goals.

Time slipped by so fast. The night seemed to be endless as I checked the time from my cell phone. It’s three-thirty in the morning. I said to myself; "My fellow neighbors are still asleep while I’m still awake—not because I work in an office, just like my mother, but rather my mind was restless." Ever since, it was my “mama” who raised me alone. I haven’t seen my father. God took him away from us when I was still a 1 year old little child. Leaning my back against the wall, I imagined if my father was still alive this time, would I still be the same person as I am today?

As an only child, I grew up without a father; I don’t consider my condition as annoyance, instead I considered it as a blessing and gift from God. I know I am not perfect, what they see in me is the real me. I know my mother raised me well. And even if I wasn’t given the opportunity to be nurtured by my father, God gave me knowledge and talents to be a better person as what I am today.