Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Parang naiintindihan ko na.

O ito lang ang gusto kong isipin.

Ayaw mo kong masaktan. Ayaw mong makita akong malungkot. Pero ayaw mo rin sa ‘kin. O sige, correction… hindi mo kayang maging kung anong gusto kong maging ka sa buhay ko. Quote na lang kaya kita? Sorry.. *****, hindi ko kayang maging ganoon sa’ yo.

Ikaw naman kasi. Bakit mo pa ba kailangang sabihing gusto mong isauli ‘yung sulat na binigay ko sa ‘yo noong umamin ako? Bakit mo pa sinabing nalulungkot ka tuwing babasahin mo yon? Bakit mo pa sinabing naaawa ka sa ‘kin?

Ako naman kasi. Bakit ko pa kailangang i-prove kung bakit ka naaawa sa kin? Bakit ba pa kita binigyan ng sulat na magpapalungkot sa ‘yo eh ayaw ko din namang nakikitang malungkot ka. Bakit ko ba ‘to ginawa sa friendship natin? Bat ba kasi ang hirap-hirap na hindi umasa?

Ikaw kasi ulit eh. Nung sinabi ko sa ‘yo na nagkakaganito na ‘ko, na may symptoms na ko kaya lumayo ka na, ayaw mo namang lumayo. ‘Yan tuloy, yung ideya na kahit na alam mo na, nakikipag-close ka pa din sa ‘kin, led me on. Masama nga raw mag-expect pero ang hirap hindi eh. Paano ba gawin yung wag isiping baka may nararamdaman din sa ‘yo ang isang taong lapit pa rin nang lapit kahit alam na niya kung anong nangyayari sa ‘yo tuwing andyan siya?

O sige. Ako kasi ulit. Hindi pa ‘ko nasanay. Ilang beses ko ba kailangang dumaan sa ganito? I mean, alam mo yung mga nakaraan ko. Kaya nga ang sagot mo kung bakit ka naaawa sa ‘kin eh dahil pagkatapos nung mga yon, hindi mo inisip na ‘yun din pala magagawa mo. Na paiyakin ako. Pero hindi mo gusto. Alam ko yon. Alam ko mahal mo ‘ko. Hindi nga lang sa paraang gusto ko.

Natatandaan mo pa ba nung iniyakan mo pa yung kaibigan ko? Sabi ko sa ‘yo, you don’t always get what you want but you’ll definitely get what you deserve. Nakakainis, ipapayo ko yun sa sarili ko. For the nth time. Pero di ba sasaya din ako? Hindi pala. Sasaya din ako! Hindi nga lang siguro sa iyo, pero I’ll get what I deserve. Hindi naman ako masamang tao kaya siguro may magandang naghihintay para sa akin. Sana sigurado. At yun na lang ang iisipin ko ‘no?

Tama. Ayaw mo kong masaktan. Ayaw mo kong malungkot. Pero hindi mo kayang maging kung anong gusto kong maging ka sa buhay ko. Alam mong nasasaktan ako ngayon pero alam mong mas mabuti ‘to kesa sumulong tayo sa lebel na hindi para sa ‘tin kung saan baka mas lalo pa tayong magkasakitan.

So parang naiintindihan ko na nga. Hindi mo kasalanan. Hindi ko kasalanan. Walang may kasalanan. Lesson ‘to. Experience. I’m just glad I’m going through this with you.

Okay lang naman siguro kung medyo weird ako for a while ‘no? Ayoko pa ring iwanan yung pagkakaibigan natin. It’s the best gift you’ve ever given me. And if only for that, I’d be honored to go back to being your old normal friend.

Sana pagbalik ko, andyan ka pa din. Tapos isang araw, pag-uusapan natin ‘to, tatawa na lang tayo. Darating din ‘yung isang araw.

So dyan ka lang. Babalik din ako.

At gusto kong isipin: Naiintindihan mo din.

It was cold and the whole world was so silent. It was 2:44 in the morning and still, I couldn’t get any sleep. My mind seems to be boundless. What was I thinking? I told myself. A different personality, as most people who knew me would say. I am much aware of the people in judging my characters; they say that I am much different as compared to those of my age bracket or to those little years older than me.

Different or strange, I whispered. Could it be that I still let myself held captive by my past? If that’s the case, then I’d kneel in front of my oppressors rather than having my font of hope to be demolished. But I won’t allow them to do so. I took my blanket off me, and walked towards the comfort room. I washed my face, and look at the mirror asking myself, “Do you really know who you are?”

Foolish as it seemed to be, I regret what I’ve said; after all, we knew ourselves better among others. I went back to bed. Looking at the ceiling, I wonder what my life would be in the near future. I really want to graduate and become a successful person. I kept thinking of the careers which I will have to pursue. I want to become an Information Technology specialist, a Web Developer, and a teacher; however, I’ve been always keeping in mind that formal education is essential in achieving my goals.

Time slipped by so fast. The night seemed to be endless as I checked the time from my cell phone. It’s 3:26 in the morning. I said to myself; my neighbors are asleep while I’m still awake—not because I work at an office just like my mother, but rather my mind was restless. Ever since, it was my mama who raised me alone. I haven’t seen my father. I think the last time that we’re together is when I’m still an infant. My father died early, when I was 1 year old. My mama said he died because of a colon cancer. I really can’t remember his face, the only memory he left was this picture I am holding now. It was me when I was still a baby, my papa and my mama; it was our family picture indeed! Long after my father died, my mother married another man, and now I have a step father and a step brother. I never regret anything in my life; after all I know all of this has its own purpose. Leaning my back against the frigid wall, I imagined and asked myself, if my papa was still here with us now; would I still be the same person as I am today?

As an only child, grown up without the presence of a father; I don’t consider my state as a nuisance. Though its quiet sad, but I admit, this is my fate. This is what GOD wants me to be, I know He has a good reason why is this all happens, and I know that He has a better plan for me. Even if I wasn’t given the opportunity to be nurtured by my father, God gave me my treasured friends and relatives who gives their comforts whenever I needed it; He has given me the best Mother in the whole wide world who’s willing to give her unconditional love and support, willing to give everything for me; He has given me the knowledge and talents that I must be proud of. And it was then that I’ve closed my eyes. Before I completely fall asleep, I come up with my realization – life is still worth living! With a smile on my face, I went back to bed and sleep.

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mga unusual things na dili angay buhaton…pero nabuhat ug wala kabalo nganong gibuhat…

1. Nag-toothbrush, paghuman ug toothbrush gibutang sa refrigerator ang toothpaste.

2. Nag-lotion, ang gigamit PONDS FACIAL WASH.

3. Naka-school uniform, ang gisuot nga sapatos rubber shoes. (may na lang gani na’ay nakabantay nga silingan paggawas sa gate.)

4. Wash day man unta sa skwelahan, nag-school uniform gihapon.

5. Gikaluntura na murag wala.

6. Nagsakay sa jeep, human gipara – pagbaba dili man diay mao ang lugar nga dapat baba-an.

7. Nag-plano mulakaw, wala kabalo asa moadto.

8. Nag pasahe sa jeep ug P6.00, nangayo pag kambyo.

9. Nag-timpla ug kape, natingala pa jud nganong parat, makig-lalis pa, kay diay asin ang nabutang ug dili asukal.

10. Ni-adto sa skwelahan, nisulod sa klase, after the class naka-realize na dili diay mao ang klase nga dapat sud-lan.

11. Sa mall, na’ay naka-sugat nga friend "daw", smile-smile pa gyud, taud-taod nangutana sa pangalan kay wala diay kaila.

12. Sa jeep, namasahe sa driver, nagpasalamat pa gyud. (gi-tan-aw nalang nuon sa mga tao)

13. Gisugo ug asin, ang gilpalit vetsin.

14. Nagluto ug pinirito, natingala kay dugay kaayo naluto ang gi-prito, kay diay "vinegar" ang nabutang sa kawali.

hahahahahah…naka try namo ug mga ing-ana?, kung naka try namu…heheh, daghan na tah! tanga kaayo!  

Love makes the world go round. That’s what a lot of people say. And it’s probably true. Love is a very complicated word. Its definition fluctuates from one person to another. It could vary depending on the situation. And it could never, ever be the same. That I’ve proven because every love story differs.

Some say true love is when everything is perfect. When you are “truly” in love, everything falls into place. For me, it’s not exactly true. Two people could be in a very difficult position but truly love each other. Maybe eventually things will fall into place but factors may condemn the relationship considering the circumstances around them. Marriage can prove my statement. In marriage, love is not a necessity. Marriage and love are totally different things. One can marry someone else for social security or for any other reason. Some say you have to think about the future in marriage. And plenty consider love as a consideration at that point. You have to mull over other factors in life. So you can’t just live with just love, to marry just because of love for that matter. There’s your financial problems, medical problems, educational problems and the list goes on. Some say true love conquers all. This may be true at some point. But living in a cruel world such as ours, it is quite difficult to live with just love.

My description of love is not exactly being happy, but being happy because you make someone else happy. To love is to feel exhilarated whenever you are with that someone else, whether be it your mom, dad, siblings, your “better half,” or anybody else. Your ways of doing this may vary but nevertheless its purpose is the same. I think money makes the world go round but love gives harmony to everything else. People, like me, who try to define love journeys an impossible path. An endless struggle because nobody can actually define it, I guess.

So what is love? I really can’t answer that. But one thing’s for sure that i strongly believe, "love isn’t love if only one person feels it."

Crushes and infatuations are just natural. Those kilig moments and the pa tweet-tums that we have experienced! Let’s say, it’s just a part of growing up! I guess, all of us, all people in the world experienced how it was to feel a tingling sensation at least once in our lives.  Back in my high school days, I myself feel a kilig moment…kilig of just seeing that only one person…  hahaha…I know I may sound funny but there’s this one crush of mine that influenced me a lot. Because of him I’ve made a poem! A poem that I wasn’t really expected to be made. I’ve just made it, I don’t know why and how… Anyways, I want to share it with you the poem that I myself have made…

read on…

If You Only Knew

At the very first time I saw you,
I hate everything you do,
I also hate the way you are
because you’re a hindrance like a bar

I don’t know what’s the reason behind
Maybe at that time I was just a blind
This feeling of hatred didn’t last
As the time fasses fast

Now that I’m fallin’ in-love with you
I hope that you feel the same way too
I believe to you that I’m in- love
Cause’ you fed my heart like a dove

I know that this feeling will be forever
And I pray that someday well’ be together
And there’s no need to write to this for you…
If You Only Knew.

There’s this guy, he’s my schoolmate and probably my classmate. Were not close actually and maybe I won’t considered him as one of my friends. You might be asking why? Dili man gud mi mag – tagad…kababawan kaayu diba?!..but I do know him; not because he was my schoolmate or classmate karon…but I just know him since then, when I was still in high school pa…this guy I am referring to is somewhat connected in my past.

There it goes…we have this common friend, I’ve just concluded that maybe this particular friend of ours gave my cell phone number to him. It just started in a simple text message, at first I hesitated, but then I managed to send him a reply on his texts. I entertained him because it was his text messages that made me guess of him as a nice person. Through texts we started to build our friendship, and later on he became my constant text mate.

In a short period of time that we have been text mates, he instantly becomes my boyfriend…yay!...diri jud siguro ang pinaka worst nga part I guess…wala gani ko kabalo kung unsa nagtulak sa ako para sug-ton s’ya sa cell phone lang!  – it’s just happen! parang ang dali lang yata ng mga pangyayari!..hahaiii…you might be thinking that I am the kind of girl na easy-to-get, well…I can’t blame you of thingking that…siguro…after all, in the first place its all my fault…but I tell you this – “he’s a kind of man that would make a woman easily lose her heart unto him.” And I guess it is his unique personality that made me fall for him. But then, wala jud nag dugay…days, weeks and months have passed…wala na s’ya nagtext sa ako!..wala ko kabalo kung naunsa na s’ya…it’s been so long since last s’ya nagtext ...so, wala na lang pud ko nag care na magtext sa iya…and without any reasons – unfortunately, since then, we’ve lost our communication.

I entered college and decided to forget all about him. And then, something strange happened, wala ko nag expect na pareho diay mi ug school...and worst – we are in the same department. At first, I told myself to just forget all that we have been through before, “tama na oie, past is past na baya…”  I’ve just been ignoring him, since that very first day that we’ve first met in the university. Whenever we crossed our paths in the hallway we don’t even care to take a simple hi/hello, parang wala lang! Just a glimpse! As if we don’t know each other…di ko nga alam kung kilala pa ba ako ng taong to’!

Actually, I wasn’t that attracted to him naman. But seems that they, I couldn’t help but check him out at the corners of my eyes. It seemed that, I’ve been starting to like him. So many times that I’ve been denying this to myself – hindi kasi pwede! I hate this…grrr…past is past naman dapat..! But what can I do?

February 25, 2008 – Monday.  It was cold; the air from the windows flew throughout my room. It was two in the morning and still, I couldn’t get any sleep. This is not unusual to me, this always happened when something’s bothering my mind. What was I thinking? I told myself. A different personality, as most people who knew me would say. I’m aware of the tendencies of people in judging characters; they say that I am too childish as compared to those of my age bracket or to those higher years older than me.

Childish? I whispered. Do I have to change this kind of personality? Could it be that I still let myself change just because of those people who misunderstands my personality? If that’s the case, then I’d kneel in front of my oppressors rather than having my font of hope to be demolished. But I won’t allow them to do so. I took my blanket off me, and walked towards the mirror in my room. I look at the mirror asking myself, "Do you really know who you are?"

Foolish as it seemed to be, I regret what I’ve said; after all, we knew ourselves better among others. I went back to bed, trying to close my eyes so I can sleep. But it seems that I really can’t. Looking at the ceiling, I wonder what my life would be in the near future. I kept thinking of the careers which I will have to pursue. I want to become a teacher, an Information Technology professional, and a lawyer (maybe it would be so impossible) however, I must keep in mind that formal education is essential in achieving my goals.

Time slipped by so fast. The night seemed to be endless as I checked the time from my cell phone. It’s three-thirty in the morning. I said to myself; "My fellow neighbors are still asleep while I’m still awake—not because I work in an office, just like my mother, but rather my mind was restless." Ever since, it was my “mama” who raised me alone. I haven’t seen my father. God took him away from us when I was still a 1 year old little child. Leaning my back against the wall, I imagined if my father was still alive this time, would I still be the same person as I am today?

As an only child, I grew up without a father; I don’t consider my condition as annoyance, instead I considered it as a blessing and gift from God. I know I am not perfect, what they see in me is the real me. I know my mother raised me well. And even if I wasn’t given the opportunity to be nurtured by my father, God gave me knowledge and talents to be a better person as what I am today.